Mr. Let Down, Straight Across

I stared at my phone while the questions kept coming. I have a thing for trivia. Always have. Some people like Sudoku and Zombie Zone, I like Crosswords and Trivia. I glanced over to find the boyfriend still yapping it up with his neighbor, while I sat and answered questions like, “Where did medieval theatre originate? or Who was Apollo’s twin.” I was getting more stimulus from my phone than this boyfriend of mine.

I’m going to say something that might shock everyone. If you don’t pay attention to your mate, they will be attracted to other shiny things. Getting the cold shoulder had become more frequent and I’m not going to lie, I noticed HIM sitting at the corner of the bar, smiling, head down occasionally, penning down the answers to the paper’s crossword puzzle. Very attractive indeed.

I sipped on my red wine and continued answering my questions. Where is the Capoeira dance from? What painter was known for Cubism? Who invented the cell phone? Which actor portrays Moss on the TV series “IT Crowd”? I am in disbelief that his back is literally at me. I felt the chair beside me pull out and there he was, crossword laid out, smile intact. I tried to be cool about it, but the gesture was so sudden. I kept playing.

“Hi. I see you moved.”
“Yeah, I felt like I was in the way over there. What are you playing?”
“Trivia Crack. How’s that crossword coming?”
“I’m almost done with it.”

Usually if someone is all up on me, I tend to make some space. I don’t particularly like it, and it makes me very uncomfortable with strangers, but for some reason I was fine with this little hover. He was watching me play and then commented that I was pretty smart. Having a guy tell you you’re smart is way better than him appreciating your gams. When I lost my turn, I picked my head up and looked over. He had nice arms, he was tall and manly with no visible tattoos (odd, this is Richmond), and he had the sweetest face, covered by a scraggly beard.

“Is that your boyfriend?”
“Yup.”
“Interesting.”
“Why?”
“Well, if you were my girlfriend, I would definitely be paying more attention to you and would probably be concerned that you are flirting with someone else.”

I laughed and decided to engage while checking out the EPL standings on my phone, for all you non soccer aficionados, that’s the English Premiership League.

“Wait, you’re kidding right?”
“What?”
“You like soccer too?”
“Yeah, why? Do you?”

I then felt a hand on my shoulder. “ Hey, I’m gonna go.” He did that from time to time when we first started dating. He would just be done and depart, but this was a two year stretch and I was talking to this guy next to me, whom I appropriately introduced him to. They exchanged polite “heys” and then he anxiously said, “ Yeah, I’m beat, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Night!” And with a peck on the cheek, he was gone. “ I guess you should have another drink?” I looked at my empty glass and I looked at my friend the bartender, who looked at him. She promptly, rolled her eyes and with a single tsk and a her signature laugh and poured me another glass. Apparently, everyone at the bar knew I was just shafted. Mister smiled at me and then I ordered him a drink telling him If I was going to drink another he was going to have one with me. I was really enjoying the conversation and I wasn’t going to let being humiliated at my local haunt stop me.

I love maps. I love the intricate lines and roads leading to enticing places. I love to travel and getting lost is what I’m good at. He just happened to be a cartographer, which for me is a pretty sexy profession. I have plenty of serendipitous moments in my life and it was just about time for the universe to pat me on the butt and tell to move along. Being a fixed person has its downfalls, I tend to need a universal push to get out of things I’m stuck in.

We had a ton in common…motorcycles, soccer, maps, music, whiskey…the list went on. I found him a little dangerous at this point. It’s not everyday you find someone who shares your love of trivia and whiskey.

“I’ve got to get up early tomorrow, but it was nice meeting you. I’m sorry your boyfriend is a dick. We should watch a game together.”
“Ha, you too, and yeah, I’d love that!”

I’ve always had male friends. i enjoy the company of men much more than women. I just have more in conversational common with them, and who am I bullshitting, I like looking at pretty things. So, I thought nothing of going to my usual spot on a usual day to watch a game with a totally harmless dude who was attractive, brainy and had lots of the same interests as I do. Not a thing to worry about. Every man I’ve had, ok I’d say 92% of the men I hung out with in my life had this criteria. I’m no stranger to platonic relationships. Plus, this is Richmond, VA, you can’t wipe your ass without someone knowing about it. The boyfriend NEVER came to a game and it was something I did by myself — — autonomously. He was also getting pretty good at asking me to leave after nightly hangs, stating he was beat and had to wake up early in the morning, blahbidyblah. He wasn’t going to come even if I had asked him to.

The last man I was with who was ever passionate about soccer was my ex husband. We watched religiously and it became a part of our bond. So, as you can imagine, when you meet a hot, smart guy who shows up in a Spurs jersey, you’re naturally going to be spinning. It’s like when girls who like football wear Redskins gear and guys start crying, “She’s the one! She’s the one!” I showed up proudly in my Anfield Red and his blue and white Tottenham love was not remiss. He was the second real Spurs fan I ever met and I respected his choice of following, I have to admit, if he was a Chelsea fan, I would’ve been at some other bar. We ordered whiskey and beers and enjoyed the game. As we watched, we also got to know each other some more. The more drinks we had, the more we revealed and the more I wanted him. He asked a lot of questions, which I liked, but he asked a lot about my boyfriend. I told him, he didn’t care for the game and the more we talked about it, the angrier I became with my current status. I mean, yeah, where was he? How many things did I do with him that I didn’t really want to do? I asked him why he was single. He explained he just got out of a long tumultuous relationship and it was complicated. Someone just got a red card.

It was now evening and we were walking out of the pub, and I discovered he had come on a bicycle. He still walked me to my car and we chatted on the way there about how we should do it again sometime. As we got to my car, we were saying our goodnights and then he kissed me, movie kissed me. He pulled away and apologized. “ You’re pretty and you’re smart. I should go or you should meet me at my house.” First kisses are always exciting. You get a literal rush from them and if it’s a good kiss, you’ll just want more. “ I think I should go home…as much as I’d like to take you up on your invitation.” I shut the door, rolled down the window and told him I’d meet him any time for a game or happy hour. “ So you’re not coming over?” he trailed off. I replied with a hesitant “ no” and he quickly pedaled away and I headed home.

I get bored easily. I also don’t like being ignored or blown off for something else that comes along. I also am quite perceptive. Some men find me tiresome, rather they find the routine of relationship tiresome. I become the tedious chore they need to pacify daily. As I had predicted, the boyfriend had graduated to the “you want more than I do” spiel. How boring. What it really means is, “I like you, I want to keep you close, but I’m going to fuck other girls now.” I was saddened by it, but more angry that I was strung along for two years. I moped for about two weeks.

I hadn’t seen Mister for a while. He worked steadily and I don’t know why I was expecting news to flee to him that I was now single and he would be texting me for a date any night now. I also got the vibe that he was in dating mode or was dealing with some unresolved things from the last relationship. We texted a lot. We played trivia together remotely. When I did hang out with him finally, I had come over to watch a game. His apartment was neat. He had good books on the shelf, but I had a sense he was not keen on technology. He was good sex. It was passionate, but it was clearly missing any sentimental attachments, which made it easy for me to deflect and pretend like I was apathetic to it all. I mean, I could do this casual thing. So what if I’m a serial monogamist, I can change my ways!

it was as though we were too equal to each other, which caused some friction. He was a Han Solo type, observant and confrontational and frustrating. It was the aggravation of his constant stubborn nature that I found sexy, he had valid arguments, but I felt like he wanted to argue for the sake of being right. I personally think it was a defense mechanism. I knew he had left over baggage and I knew, after he told me he didn’t want a relationship, that he would not magically want one with me, so I became the hangout girl who he would take on adventures and have sleepovers with. He was spontaneous, intelligent, and passionate and I craved him constantly. Restraint is not one of my best qualities. He never fought me when I did the whole, “ I’m gonna go” while timidly picking up pieces of clothing off the floor. It didn’t help that he was always surprising me with random walks by the river, illegal berry pickings or a motorcycle ride. One of the most romantic things he ever did was grab a bottle of whiskey and a blanket and take me to the battlefields to watch a meteor shower. Yes, I’m a nerd, of course astronomy makes me horny. We did not however, have relations that night. After my last relationship, it was refreshing to have someone enjoy me and enjoy the things that stimulated me, but most of all when he called on me, I knew he wanted to hang out with me.

It doesn’t take a man long to get bored with his conquests. There are no rules to their mating rituals, which is what makes us different. Unfortunately, i made the mistake of putting a new kind of fruit in front of him. One I knew he would devour. She was a more enticing opponent, it was like putting two wild animals together, beautiful and cunning, but fiercely competitive and territorial. I knew she and he would tear each other apart. She’s a narcissist and he is never wrong. It would be a validated experiment. I saw no harm in it. I just knew love was an inconvenience for these two and they would ultimately either fall madly into it with each other or hate each other.

It was little jarring listening to her go on about their dates and detailed sexual escapades. Mind you, it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t know I had this “thing” with him and I honestly didn’t want to ruin any sort of chance they could have had with each other. So, I endured, every single, gory detail.

When you’ve been pushed away enough, you start to get the hint that you’re more of a convenience rather than an investment. I knew the texts would stop once he and she began their dance. She told me all the intimacies including the words he spoke to her. Sometimes being a fly on the wall is an unwanted solicitation. I mean, he didn’t take me out to dinners or to the movies, he had kept me in his pocket, nice and cozy. At this point, I had finally opened myself up to other suitors, in which he probed and prodded about, to be honest I wasn’t very forthcoming with it all because I still wanted to be enticing to him. Surely, he would see that I was a better candidate and realize we were meant for each other…in fairytale land!

I’m not sure exactly what was the catalyst for the abrupt ending to their tryst, but it was followed by the notice of his departure. He moved away. Poof. Just like that, he was gone. It was his reasonings for not making her significant. She told me very matter-of-fact, as though I would know of his decision. I did not. In fact, we hadn’t spoken in some time. It made me angry and hurt that he would not confide in me about this. Weren’t we friends?

At some point in your life you start to feel like the “Have a Nice Summer” girl. you know the one whose yearbook you signed that you thought was nice, but knew you’d never see again or didn’t really get to know? I miss him sometimes, just the companionship of him. He was sort of my last solo guy hang, now, ironically, I have an all female entourage. He’ll send me a text from time to time and we catch up briefly, but I’m sure he’s out there, enjoying some other beautifully, intelligent enigma he can’t get close to.

I sat at the bar, red wine in one hand, pen in the other, crossword looking at me. 1. Down: “Kevin Smith film starring Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams”. I was concentrated on answering the hints and it reminded me of my subway rides while living in New York. I used to try and finish it before my 45 minute train ride ended. I proudly was often successful. I felt the chair move next to me and someone slide into its seat. He ordered a Pale Ale and I could see him turn to look down at my crossword. “ Oh man, you do those in pen?” the voice said. Without looking up, I replied, “ Yeah, I tend to take risks like that.”

Originally published at https://www.oneforsorrowtwoforjoy.com on May 22, 2018.